The Book-Scented Room

04 November 2019

1490 words

Rated M for sexual content

On the last night before arriving at Tartarus, Felix asks Vicar Max to teach him and ends up learning a whole lot about himself.

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“Do you have a minute?”

Hair ruffled, wearing his usual worn-out attire, Felix slipped next to the courtly-as-usual vicar, impossibly well-kept under such circumstances.

“Of course. Is something weighing you down?”

Max’s voice was soft and kind. Softer, kinder than usual, even. His calmness was impressive, considering they were hours away from a total suicide mission. But perhaps that was the ultimate perk of devoting your life to thought and finding enlightenment.

“You probably know the answer to that one already, Max.”

“I’d hate to jump to conclusions. But I conclude you’re worried about tomorrow.”

The faint scent of old books gave Vicar’s room a unique atmosphere. It wasn’t a scent Felix associated with any place he had inhabited before, but living the past months across from Max’s room, it had grown on him.

“I wonder why,” Felix smiled. “What we’re about to do is beyond my wildest dreams. I always thought I’d happily risk my life to flip the Board off good, and it doesn’t get much better than this.”

“Besides, I’ve risked my life many times in the last months. We all have,” Felix added.

The atmosphere on the Unreliable was distinct that night. Expectant, yet resigned. Everyone was preparing in subtle ways. Ellie eagerly showing her favorite serials to Captain who had decades' worth of entertainment to catch up with. Parvati sending the hopefully not last heartfelt message to Junlei. Nyoka… not getting drunk for the first day in a longest time, but silently and tranquilly watching the five medallions mounted on her wall. What united them was that no one felt like sleeping.

Felix eyed the pristine deck of tossball cards on the desk, wondering why he used to bother bickering with Max with such intensity not so long ago.

“Anyway,” Felix refocused. “I was meaning to ask if you could maybe, you know, teach me. Science, and all that.”

Max raised his eyebrow slightly, then smiled gently.

“I’d be happy to go over the basics with you.”

He invited Felix to take a seat and fetched several books. Funny how a pile of dead wood stirred up such strong emotions within him—intimidation, but also curiosity. Eagerness. Excitement, even. Perhaps it was the scent of books he had grown so attached to as of late, or the body heat radiating from the vicar seated next to him.

“Where would you like to start?” Max asked.

“I don’t know, you decide. Just don’t toss me in the deep end right away. You know I’m not much of a thinker, so this is all new to me,” Felix replied.

“All I need is an open mind to work on, and I get the impression you’re willing to open up to me,” Max said in a way that made Felix’s cheeks blush ever so slightly.

Generations had passed since the people of Halcyon left their homeworld. Yet most terraformed planets and many stations stuck to an earth-like day-night-cycle by simulating day and night. On a small ship like the Unreliable, time was but a number on a screen. In the void of space, there was no difference between noon and midnight.

It was easy to lose track of time listening to Vicar’s soothing voice. Felix knew the things Max taught him were the barest essentials, the simplest summaries of indefinitely complex concepts, but it didn’t matter. It calmed Felix’s nerves. It felt significant. And, Felix dared presume, Max felt the same.

Hours had passed without Felix realizing. Judging by the silence, others had finally gone to sleep—or were at least confined to their own rooms.

“Is this making sense to you?” Max made sure.

“More or less. I’m actually feeling smart, for once,” Felix said.

“I want to teach you all I know one day. Will you allow me to?” Max asked with a hint of unexpected vulnerability in his voice. The question took Felix by surprise, making his heart skip a beat.

“Hey, if someone like me will do.” Felix swallowed. “I’d be happy to follow you. Assuming we pull this off.”

Felix could see the relief on Max’s face. No one talked about it, but all knew their crew wasn’t meant to last. They were a bunch of people whose lives just happened to cut each other’s at this point of time; Destined to go their separate ways sooner than later. And in a vast, dying colony, chances of their lives ever crossing again were slim.

“I’m sure you’ve already noticed we make a good team,” Max reassured. Felix couldn’t tell if Max was speaking of them heading out with Captain together, or if he was hinting at something more… personal. Felix, surprised at his own thoughts, found himself wishing it was the latter.

“So, what are you thinking of doing after this, anyway?” Felix said, trying to steer the topic back to safer grounds.

Max took a moment to answer.

“I may have acquired a taste for making the colony a better place. There are plenty of people who could benefit from my knowledge.” He paused. “I assume you have shifted your focus from leading a revolution, seeing how eager you are to stay with me.”

Felix’s plan to move the discussion away from their relationship and his own emerging feelings had fired back spectacularly.

“Well, I mean, I’ve never had got any real plans. Sure, I’m still waiting for the revolution. I just hope you’ll be by my side when that happens.”

Felix had no idea where the last part came from, but somehow it slipped through his lips. Was the room shrinking or the vicar sliding his chair closer to his? Had the air always been this hard to breathe?

“You know. Since you and the rest of the folks here seem to put up with me unlike most people do. It’s nice to have some company for a change,” Felix tried to correct himself, but clearly didn’t convince Max, who seemed to see right through him.

“I’m confident the others would accept your company as well,” Max said, verbally pushing Felix further into the corner, then backing down. “I’m glad it’s me you prefer.”

It was becoming clear to Felix that Vicar did this on purpose. Which was totally unfair, given that Felix hadn’t been aware of his own feelings himself until now.

Felix doubted Max was merely teasing him. Maybe in the past, if feeling particularly mean, Max could have pulled off something like this out of malice, but not after the life-altering drug trip Felix himself had witnessed in person.

He decided to turn the tables, knowing very well that trying to do so could once again backfire horribly and push him right back to the proverbial corner.

“I bet you could get a better disciple, too,” Felix said.

“Definitely. But I want you.” Max replied. Enough with the double entendres, already, Felix thought in desperation. Was there nothing he could say to make even the smallest of dents to that collected exterior?

“Maybe show it, then,” Felix blurted out before his head could catch up with his mouth.

“Okay,” Max said and smoothly pulled him closer into a kiss, as if he had been waiting for this all along. A soft, compassionate kiss.

“Does that answer your questions?” Max asked as he broke off.

“I think it also raised a bunch of new ones,” Felix said, feeling somewhat disoriented, but not unpleasantly so.

“It’s a good thing I have plenty more answers for you, then,” Max teased, painting Felix bright red as a result.

They fell into another kiss which gradually grew more intense. Somewhere along the way, almost without Felix noticing, they had lost their clothes and ended up between Vicar’s sheets.

Felix wasn’t inexperienced, but being with Max differed greatly from his past sexual encounters. It wasn’t a violent, loveless exchange he had so often experienced, both voluntarily and not. Not motivated by money, tinted with desperation, nor involving dirty bathrooms or seedy brothels.

This was the room filled with a familiar scent of books, and a man he trusted with no reservations.

The way Max touched Felix’s body was confident and strong, but delicate and caring at the same time. The subtlest hesitation on Felix’s part didn’t go unnoticed by the vicar, and for the first time in his life, sex was more than a hasty quest for physical satisfaction. Although the meaning of it all was beyond him, there was clearly some universal significance in what was happening.

Felix was remotely aware how cliche his thoughts must have sounded, like a romantic plot in a cheesy serial, and also how clumsy and inelegant his reckless movements were compared to Vicar’s. But that didn’t much matter now. Max made him feel right at home.

Once they reached the climax, there was no hurry. Another first for Felix. He checked the time. Still a couple of hours left before the zero hour. Then he fell asleep.

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