that one time in fallbrook

Chapter 1 Link copied

& on AO3

Fuck him. Fuck him! Fuck him.

Was it healthy to lose your shit over an older man who most days didn’t bother acknowledging your presence?

Felix shifted in his bed. The soft satin sheets felt foreign to his naked back. He knew them luxurious, and—since they were stolen from some rich asshole—they came with zero guilt. But the bedsheets, the decor, the food. It was all too much at once. With his background of pretty extreme poverty measured even against the sorry state of the colony as a whole, this much of rich people shit was enough to give a whiplash so bad it made you wonder if all of this had been a mistake.

Whatever. He couldn’t sleep. And when he couldn’t sleep, he tried to figure exactly what kind of shit their captain had had to pull off to have the humble cargo ship going by the name Unreliable brimming over with luxury goods and the kind of foodstuffs you couldn’t even catch an ad of outside Byzantium.

That, or think about the forty-something across the hallway. Maybe jerk off to that because the captain clearly hadn’t cared to lift any porn, or at least didn’t share their stash, so Felix didn’t have anything besides his imagination in the means of material. And his imagination was mostly taken over by the one person on this ship who he definitely shouldn’t have harbored any feelings towards. The fucking violent ex-con who he had witnessed almost kill some sorry bastard over pretty much nothing.

Could have been that blind rage and danger Felix smelled that made him want to fuck the vicar before he would kill Felix. Totally had worked for him in the past as a homeless twink, totally had left him fucked up in the head. Oh well, he could unpack that at some other date. Because right now his head was rapidly filling up with images of the vicar’s hands wrapping around his neck the way they had around that one guy’s, and fuck if that got him hard.

At the breakfast table, Felix overheard the vicar arguing with the captain in the stairway. Sure, he was speaking calmly in a hushed tone, but if Felix was attuned to something it was picking up hostility, and oh boy, this asshole was just oozing nasty attitude. Not his business. He poured another bowl of the cheap cereal some kind soul had stockpiled.

The common area was decorated with a mismatch of luxury objects. “Eclectic,” had the captain mused when Felix had jokingly pointed out how the kitchenette fixtures didn’t exactly match the gold-plated coffee maker.

Nyoka sat down at the table. Her eyes were bloodshot.

“Hey. Rough night?” Felix asked gently.

“Unh-huh,” Nyoka groaned and grabbed the cereal.

“Getting any better?” Felix prodded cautiously. The captain had convinced Nyoka to lay off the booze, and Felix wanted to lend his ear if that was any help.

“Not in the mood,” Nyoka said and stuffed her face with the cereal. “But thanks.”

Things had been more lively when he’d joined the crew. But between Nyoka being out of commission due to alcohol withdrawal, the vicar moping, and Parvati having semi-temporarily left the crew to stay at Groundbreaker—a funeral had more action than the Unreliable these days. Even Ellie had some shit going on she wouldn’t speak in front of Felix, and the captain, well, they’d never been one to socialize.

Felix lazily drew circles in the gilded bowl with the delicate silver spoon. The cereal had colored the milk purple. The sounds of the stairway conversation and Nyoka eating blended into the low hum of the engine, creating a single noise in his head.

“Felix.”

The captain stood behind him, startling Felix awake from his thoughts.

“Boss, hey. What is it?”

“Toss that or eat it, then see me at my quarters.” They didn’t bother waiting for Felix’s response. No offense taken—Felix knew they were like that with pretty much anyone. He stuffed his face with the purple mush and hurried after the captain.

“Wanted something?” He asked at the doorstep.

“Come in. Close the door. Sit down,” they ordered as Felix followed. “Maximillian has got some frankly dumb ideas in his head.” Not the easiest person to read, but Felix could tell they weren’t pleased by the use of ‘Maximillian’.

“What’s he planning?”

“You can ask him yourself. Double your pay for the time being if you keep an eye on him. Talk him out of it, and more importantly, talk through whatever issues he’s got,” the captain said while seeming more interested in cleaning a gun than whatever this business was. “Already promised we’re going to Scylla, not about to let him waste our time and supplies on some personal revenge tour.”

“You want me to… talk to him?” The thought of asking the captain if he could have some time off to shop for normal-ass bedding instead of a double pay crossed his mind, but he was more bewildered by the request than interested in a good night’s sleep at the moment. “Gonna do whatever you say, boss, but ain’t I the wrong guy for the job? Don’t much talk to him, and he to me even less so.”

“You were in Fallbrook. You saw how he got there.”

Felix dry-gulped at what had over time twisted into jerk-off fodder in his head.

“Besides, he takes you for an idiot so we’ll go with that angle. Tell him I only ordered you to survey him. You’ll figure out a way to make him talk eventually.”

Felix nodded. “Try my best,” he said in earnest.

“Good. Start right away. Double the pay for every day you have to bother doing this. You’re dismissed.”

Okay, fine. Great. …fuck.

Felix had no idea how to subtly approach the man, so he didn’t.

“Max.”

Shit, were they on that level of familiarity yet? His name tasted weird in his mouth.

“Yes?”

He was sitting behind his desk, doing the faux courteous shtick of his. The honey in his voice was faker than the Purpleberry Crunch from earlier, but Felix wasn’t in the position to antagonize him at the moment.

“Gonna hang around a bit. More than a bit, actually,” Felix said in the doorway. He stepped in and closed the door behind him, grabbed a seat and sat down, arms folded in front of him on top of the backrest. “Boss’s orders.”

“Oh? Please, elaborate.” There it was. The telltale twitch in his face. The undertone souring the sweet exterior he was still half-assedly maintaining.

“Told me you’re up to no good. Something ‘bout a revenge. Said I should babysit you and double as your therapist, too, or something,” Felix said. “Wasn’t supposed to tell you that therapist part, though.”

Max smirked in an incomprehensible manner. “Is that so.”

“Yeah. The pay’s good too so reckon I’m following the orders,” Felix said. In truth he didn’t care about the bits, but it was the easiest explanation.

“Ah, yes. That would most likely be the pay they withheld from me,” Max said. Felix could tell from his voice becoming even more strained that Max either was a man of money or a man of principle.

“Sounds like you fucked up pretty bad, then,” Felix said. Max barely waited for him to finish before talking again.

“Yes, something like that. Millstone—”

Felix interrupted him. He wanted to keep the reins as long as possible. So, probably not for much longer now.

“Felix’s fine. No need to be so formal between…” Felix had to pause and wonder what relationship they did share. “Colleagues, right?”

Max picked up on the pause and sneered. “Yes, colleagues.” Apparently that was all that he needed to recover from his temper, and now the smug asshole was taking over. Still, Felix counted that as a victory of sorts, since neither the soft-spoken man of cloth nor the violent anger management class dropout felt particularly fertile grounds for the kind of conversation the captain had tasked him with. Besides, this was quickly evolving into the longest talk they had ever had just between the two of them.

“So I gather losing your mind that one time in Fallbrook didn’t go that well over with the captain,” Felix said after an alarming silence to keep the conversation flowing. He involuntarily glanced at Max’s hands sitting on the desk. Shit. Shit, shit, wrong topic.

Max’s eyes pierced Felix’s. No mistake, Max had caught a whiff of something and he was prying Felix open like a stubborn jar.

“Hey, don’t get me wrong. Boss has nerves of steel so they don’t get it but I do.” He didn’t. Max could probably see right through his lie, too, but it beat the silent interrogation he was giving Felix.

“My mistake was making you and the captain accomplices in the… attempted murder of someone who very much deserved it,” Max said politely.

“Funny then how Boss says you’re arguing to pull something like that again.”

Max looked him in the eye. His brow creased, but for once his hostility wasn’t aimed at Felix.

“The captain doesn’t share my definition of inconveniencing the crew. Seems like that’s the case for a ‘private matter’ as well.”

“Ain’t such a thing as a private matter on a ship this crammed,” Felix said. He looked around Max’s cabin. A full wall of bookshelves lined one wall of the room. The without doubt stolen set of shelves was clumsily modified to fit the small cabin. The shelves had clearly been filled up ages ago, too. By the looks of it, Max had kept the books in order at some point, but been forced to stack books horizontally wherever there was free space after running out of room. And yet there were stacks of books on the floor lying around, too.

“You read all these?”

“No,” Max said and sighed. “I took some with me from Edgewater, but… They started accumulating soon after I joined the crew. I haven’t had the time to even see which ones are worth keeping.”

“Huh.”

“Interesting you should say there’s no privacy on this ship.” Max suddenly returning to his offhand comment caught him off-guard. His unreadable tone gave Felix a bad feeling.

“Oh, right. I mean, I didn’t bother listening or anything but weren’t you two arguing about something this morning? You know, the stairway echoes straight into the common room—”

“Of course. But I’m talking about the cabins. A personal room with a lock on the door sure gives the impression of privacy, but as you said…”

Felix felt all color simultaneously rushing out and on his face. Don’t let him get to you, he knows shit. He’d caught a hint Felix was maybe hiding something earlier and was now prodding him, trying to corner him and make him slip up something.

“Got nothing to hide,” Felix shrugged and aimed way too high on the fake confidence scale, coming across panicked if anything. “Reckon it’s more for you guys’ sakes that I lock that door when I’m being gross.” Not an entire lie. Felix wasn’t used to having privacy and for once in his life he didn’t have to worry about someone killing him or stealing his shit while sleeping, so having his own private space was nice but entirely optional. He would’ve been happy to share a cabin with anyone aboard.

Okay, maybe not with Max for the same reasons he tried to come up with an excuse to leave his cabin at this very moment.

“Hey, just tell me what you were planning to do and pinky promise you won’t bring it up again, like, ever, and I’ll be on my way and you’ll probably get your bits and we can go back to not talking to each other,” Felix suggested.

“I doubt that,” Max said and scanned him with the intensity that matched that one time when he…

Better not think about it, actually.

He needed to find a dignified out from the situation, fast, because he was losing to Max, fast. He couldn’t tell exactly what the repercussions of the abstract ‘loss’ here would be, but he’d rather not—

“Move,” Max said and pointed at the bunk.

In that instant Felix’s thoughts jumbled into an incoherent mess and all Felix could hear inside his skull anymore was white noise. He stood up and did as told, not sure if it was out of habit, his way of offering ‘counseling’, or if he was desperate to get laid after not getting any for what for him was considered too long a time.

Felix tried to act neutral in case this wasn’t going the way he was imagining.

“Lower your pants,” Max said. Well, to void with that approach.

“You’re surprisingly docile today,” Max said as Felix unbuckled and exposed his lower body without making so much as a sound. Felix noted a smug undertone in his rehearsed, superficially aloof voice.

“There,” he breathed as he sat there, dick out in Max’s bed, Max eying him up and down, but mostly down and saying nothing. He wasn’t hard, but definitely getting there. His head was still mostly full of noise, but he did begin to wonder if he was supposed to do something after sitting there silently for a while—long enough to get some sort of erection going on.

“You want me to—” he started, but Max shushed him.

“Go take care of that,” Max said and got back to his books.

“Thought we were gonna—”

“Or I’ll call the others.”

What the hell, what a fucking weirdo, Felix thought as he hastily stuffed his hardening junk back into his pants. He had no idea what this was all about but he did admit to himself things had escalated quickly to the point where he needed to do something one way or the other, and if Max wasn’t down with the one, then the other it was.

“You want me to come back when I’m, uh—”

“We’re on orbit, Millstone. I won’t be going anywhere for the night. I suppose the captain would agree you can retire for today.”

Fuck him, fuck him, fuck fuck fuck him.

Chapter 2 Link copied

& on AO3

The posh, ages-old—possibly coming all the way from Earth—bottles of whatever fine beverage rattled haphazardly in a loose crate as the engine of The Unreliable hiccuped for umpteenth time. They’d been sitting there for a while now. It beat the worst gutrot Felix had got drunk off, but truth be told, he preferred pretty much anything a halfway decent dive had to offer. No one else had really touched the stuff after the initial toast after a successful heist, either—save for Max, who had taken one bottle with him to his cabin, but hell if Felix could tell whether it was bragging or courtesy or if he genuinely was the right brand of snob to have the palate for such finer things.

That wasn’t the foremost question regarding Max’s frankly batshittish behavior in Felix’s head right now, though. He’d had the long evening and the long sleepless night to ponder what the hell had happened yesterday in Max’s cabin, right after jacking off like the miserable thing he was, involuntarily conjuring up images of Max’s piercing eyes all over his body, penetrating Felix with his glare and other things, too. He was way past the point of wishing the captain would hand him a nice stack of stolen porn or even just a couple saucy posters to get his head anywhere else but the attempted-murderer next door, and that made him loathe himself after every orgasm he had had since their little detour in Fallbrook. And that had been many a time of reflection.

Felix wondered if those regular, cheap sheets would truly make him sleep better and clear his thoughts of Max. Or the other way around. Maybe too much expensive stuff made you lose your mind and crave for insane things like the neighboring vicar to pin you down with those arms that definitely didn’t get that way reading books all day.

“My quarters.”

Sleep-deprived Felix jumped at the sudden call right behind him. The emotions quickly shifted through “oh shit, what did I do” to “they know” to “they just want a status report”—possibly the quickest thinking Felix had ever done.

“Groundbreaker day,” the captain spouted.

“Oh,” Felix said, not sure if they were expecting him to respond or not.

“I’m grounding Max,” the captain paused. “Not that there’s ground. He’s not allowed on Groundbreaker,” they explained.

Felix held back a sigh. There would totally be someone on Groundbreaker to steal a set of Rest-n-Go bedding in exchange for a bottle of the overpriced liquor. Actually, they’d probably just sell him a set at the front desk now that he had a proper salary and all. Wild. But of course, he’d have to stay behind to babysit Max.

“He’ll stay behind while the rest of us go meet Parvati. And if you’ve got any other business you can handle that, too.”

“Huh? Oh, reckoned I’d be stuck here too,” Felix said, relieved.

The captain stared at him blankly.

“If I thought he’d steal the ship and all our stuff he’d be out of that airlock already,” they said in such a flat tone Felix got worried for a second.

“I told him we’re going and he asked if I could have you run some errands for him. I’m busy selling some of the extra stuff we have lying around anyway, so could you?”

Felix could imagine it taking all day for the captain to sell even “some of the extra stuff” since half a mansion worth of stolen goods was crammed into their humble vessel. “Sure, I’ll do it,” Felix shrugged. “What’s he want?”

“Don’t know. Said it’s sensitive and that he’d rather not have the whole crew know,” the captain said and carelessly slid a folded note across their desk.

Alarms went off in Felix’s head as his fingers grazed the piece of paper. The chance of Max letting Felix in on some embarrassing elderly ailment he had was nonexistent. His face tensed in preparation as he slipped his finger under the folded paper and neatly flipped the note open.

A list of products Felix wasn’t familiar with, each annotated with a different vendor. A bunch of busywork, but going by the incomprehensible names, they could actually be medicine for whatever old people thing Felix hadn’t had the displeasure of experiencing yet.

“I can do this, yeah,” Felix said, relieved, and folded the note in his back pocket. “Got some things I wanted to get myself anyway, so I can grab these while I’m at it.”

The captain dismissed Felix. He was feeling pretty good, actually. He had an excuse not to face Max quite yet, he could get his bedsheets and some snacks, say hi to Parvati who Felix figured the captain would have take a look at the disconcerting engine noises so he wouldn’t have to worry about their damn ship breaking apart…

The others wouldn’t pay attention if he shopped for some magazines while he was at it.

By the time they arrived Felix had counted his bits and concluded that whatever was the going price for a set of highest-quality bottom-shelf bed linen, he could buy enough sets to get a small inn going. Having savings was new to him, and at this point he didn’t have any need for bits since whenever The Unreliable stopped to stockpile food and supplies—well, whenever that didn’t involve crime—the captain would just use a pile of stolen goods as currency.

Felix glanced at a brand-new looking suit folded neatly on a chair next to his bed. The captain had handed it out to him after swiping the contents of an entire wardrobe during one job. Felix appreciated the gesture, he really did. The captain had gone through the piles of clothing themself to find the right size for Felix. He couldn’t accurately describe the color of the fabric—it looked black, but, depending on the angle, light would refract off of it in hues of gold, brown, purple—even teal. The texture was soft and smooth, but at the same time the fabric felt strong and sturdy. The jet black details seemed purely decorative at first sight, but having had to fight off someone wearing something similar, Felix knew they offered actual combat advantage, too. All in all, it was a sleek and stylish, yet very functional and probably comfortable outfit, perfect for Felix’s day-to-day as a member of The Unreliable crew. Nevertheless, after some hesitation, he pulled on his regular jumpsuit. Who knew what trouble he’d get himself into if some old acquaintance saw him prancing around all rich-asshole-looking.

Parvati was already waiting for them in the docking bays.

“They gave me heads-up,” she smiled as the crew sans Max emerged from the ship. “At your service, captain.”

“Good to have you back on board,” the captain nodded and turned to Felix and the others. “Parvati agreed to accompany us for a couple weeks.”

“Welcome back,” Ellie said. “So, who’s cleaning her room? Hey, thanks for volunteering, Felix.”

Felix frowned at her. Parvati’s old cabin had gradually turned into a storage room as valuables accumulated in every free corner of the ship.

“Taken care of,” the captain said, pointing at Max, dragging out a cart carrying a dangerously wobbly pile of miscellaneous crates and boxes.

“That’s the ‘some extra stuff’ you were gonna sell?” Felix asked, trying to imagine what kind of sum the lot would fetch them.

“You’re getting bonuses this month. Also need some new guns and ship parts,” the captain listed.

“Happy to exchange that crap for less tasteless things,” Ellie snorted. Figures she wouldn’t find the over-the-top opulent aesthetic pleasing. It passed Felix’s mind how funny it was that they came from the exact opposite backgrounds, yet both of them found luxury items equally discomforting.

“Ask Max if you need help,” the captain said, offering Parvati no explanation for the situation. “The rest of us will see you in a bit.”

They ushered Felix, Ellie and Nyoka out of the platform. Felix wasn’t sure what the hurry was, and he could tell Ellie and Nyoka were just as eager as him to ask how Parvati was doing. Suppose that would have to wait until later, Felix thought and started walking towards the entrance.

Back when he was stuck on Groundbreaker the docking bays had been so vast, so full of hopes and dreams. He would watch the ships, watch the stars… Now that he’d been traveling the system for a while, it felt so small and stuffy. Not that he had ever found being back on his old home ship unpleasant. Memories of visiting Parvati and Junlei like the family members Felix had come to consider them as had overwritten the worst moments of his past, and not all of his memories had been bad to begin with.

Felix fished out Max’s note. He could go through Max’s shopping list and his own and still have time to grab a soda before he had to be back on The Unreliable. Besides, he wanted to be back before the others so he wouldn’t be left out on any stories Parvati had to share, so he checked his first stop and strode off.

The captain had made most of their shopping time, not only getting rid of the entire cart of stuff but also getting boxes of ammo, replacement parts for both guns and the ship, a couple weird-looking weapons Felix couldn’t describe as anything other than ominous, and a whole assortment of snacks and non-alcoholic beverages to celebrate Parvati’s brief return to the crew.

“It’s great, working on something as grand as Groundbreaker… And Junlei has been sharing all kinds of Tennyson family secrets with me. Swore to keep them to me, but—it’s a dream come true,” Parvati gushed. “Not—not that I don’t still love The Unreliable—”

“It’s alright, Parvati,” Ellie said and grabbed another bottle of limited edition saltuna soda. “Can’t believe I’m liking this,” she said and popped the cap off.

“How about you? How are you doing, Nyoka?” Parvati said in a gentle voice. “I heard you were, um, quitting drinking. That’s right brave of you.”

“Don’t coddle me,” Nyoka said, but with a smile. “Yeah, no, you’re right, it’s tough,” she sighed and modestly pushed her saltuna soda away from her to grab a more conventional flavor.

“She’s a champ, alright. Oh, here’s your stuff, Max,” Felix said and tossed a bag to Max, who had just emerged from the hallway. Max caught the bag and looked somewhat irritated for a second, but said nothing and sat down, his face relaxing back into a subtle smile.

“I ran the engine for a while like you asked. No problems. Thank you, Parvati,” he said. Parvati’s eyes sparkled. “No problem. Happy to see her doing fine.”

“You’re the best,” Felix joined. “The ship’s unstoppable for the next two weeks with you here.”

“Just refrain from practicing tossball near the engine from now on, Mr. Millstone,” Max chided and switched the subject before Felix could protest. Great, he’d spent the day getting him whatever weird tubes and bottles Felix still didn’t know the purpose of, and Max, in turn, was just pissed at him for no reason. Other than Felix being Felix, he supposed.

“Oh, I’ve got gifts for you,” Parvati beamed. She rummaged through a backpack and pulled a bunch of items on the table. A new scarf for Ellie to replace the one Parvati had accidentally used as a rag one time when tweaking the engine (“Aw, you didn’t need to,” Ellie said and immediately tied the scarf around her neck), a book for Max (“Ah, you really didn’t need to,” he said but looked happy nevertheless). For Nyoka, she’d got an impressive-looking pair of leather gloves (“How did you get these?”) and for the captain, something that looked like a bunch of old scrap electronics (responded by incoherent mumbling and laughter).

“I hope you like this,” Parvati said and handed a small box to Felix. “I wasn’t sure if it was your style, but I think it’d fit you perfectly.”

Felix opened the box, and inside found a small X-shaped pendant. Looking closer, it was two crossed tossball sticks.

“Do I, this is cool,” he said. “Thanks, Parvati.”

“No big deal. Really. People passing by leave this kind of stuff on Groundbreaker all the time. Sometimes I go through the unclaimed lost and found and—this stuff reminded me of you guys,” Parvati said. “—except for the scarf, that one I bought. I’m sorry about your old one, Ellie—”

“I told you, it’s okay. I like this one much better anyway,” Ellie said and adjusted her new purple and orange scarf.

They talked for hours, exchanging stories and planning their schedule for the weeks to come. No matter how much Parvati loved her life on Groundbreaker, Felix could tell she also missed seeing new places and working with the crew. He was relieved to see she still wanted to hang around with them, too. The place was so quiet with one less mate on board.

“It’s been good to see you again, Parvati. But I need to see to something, if you’ll excuse me,” Max said and left the table. The captain shot a glance at Felix, who gathered this was his cue to get up as well and follow Max. He had no idea what to say to Max or how to do this casually, but the captain expected him to do something, so—

“Yeah, uh, me too, actually, I mean, I promised to help him and…” Felix stood up and saw irritation flash across Max’s face, which he promptly concealed. Yeah, you probably had some plans for the night, but this wasn’t my idea, Felix thought to himself as he followed Max to his cabin.

“Guess I’ll just sit here-err…” Felix suddenly remembered sitting there with his dick out yesterday and awkwardly opted for another seat.

“Please do. Now if you would let me finish going through these notes,” Max said, like he didn’t even remember anything weird happening between them.

“Yeah, um, reckon that’s not how this works,” Felix muttered. “Boss expects me to, you know, talk to you.”

“I’ll give them a glowing review if you shut your mouth, Millstone.”

“Everyone else just calls me Felix—”

“Noted, Millstone.”

“Oh, fuck you then,” Felix said and gave up. He’d just sit there for a while and go back to his cabin and jerk off to pictures of people he thankfully didn’t personally know and sleep a good night’s sleep in his normal-ass bedsheets and try again tomorrow.

“I should apologize.” Max’s voice snapped Felix back to the present.

“Huh?” Felix uttered. Max’s brow twitched.

“I’m apologizing for being so harsh on you. We don’t always get along, but I’ve been unjustly taking it out on you after, well.”

Was that all that it took for Max to genuinely break down and start talking to him about Fallbrook and all that?

Wait, no, that almost definitely wasn’t nearly what it took. Max was bullshitting him. Which, Felix realized, wasn’t his problem exactly. The captain wasn’t forcing him to do this or anything, but he didn’t want to back out of it and if playing along could get him off the hook with his dignity still with him, that’s what he would do.

“What happened?” Felix mustered up all the syrup in his voice he could, but he wasn’t very good at this.

“It should be none of your concern, and none of the captain’s either,” Max spat out. So much about him opening up.

“Okay. Guess that’s a start,” Felix said and noticed the bag of mystery products still unopened on Max’s bed. “Mind me asking what all that stuff is?”

“I do,” Max said without looking up from his notes.

“Right, sensitive. Old people stuff,” Felix muttered, not meaning to say the last part aloud.

“Old people stuff?” Max had turned to face Felix with his entire upper body.

“Uh, forget I said anything.” Great, he just apologized and now you piss him off again, Felix thought.

To his surprise, Max just chuckled and turned back to his notes. It seemed genuine, too.

“So, got the whole gang here for the next two weeks,” Felix said. He was getting nervous but couldn’t tell why.

“Yes, it’s nice to see Parvati again,” Max responded.

“Bet Junlei’s gonna miss her, though.”

“It’s only two weeks,” Max said absent-mindedly and flipped a page.

“Is that the book she got you?”

“Yes.”

“Gonna keep it?”

“Likely.”

“Nice of her to think of us even when we’re away.”

“Mm-hmm.”

“Nyoka’s withdrawals seem to be getting better.”

“What do you want?” Max slammed the notebook shut and pinned Felix down with his glare.

“Uh, I—” Felix had no idea why he was blabbering. Max didn’t look so much annoyed as plain tired. “Doing my job?” Felix suggested weakly. Max stood up and walked up to him. Felix felt a suffocating sensation in his throat as Max towered above him, making Felix rapidly weigh his options between curling up and hoping to disappear through the floor and standing up and punching Max in the face.

“Are you so desperate to get my attention,” Max said. It wasn’t exactly a question, so Felix just gulped and wondered if he was fast enough to get to the safety of his own cabin after punching Max. He also wondered why the situation was giving him a boner.

“Having… excessive complexities in crew relationships can be a problem,” Max hummed and was he suddenly a lot closer than just a second ago?

“What do you mean,” Felix whispered, almost certain what Max meant.

“I need you to understand what kind of mess this could leave us in,” Max said.

Felix swallowed and let out a hot and breathless “yes”.

He really was going along with this. Just like yesterday.

“Undress and get on the bed, then,” Max said quietly. He watched Felix slowly crawl away from the chair and move next to Max’s bunk, neither breaking the eye contact.

“Are we really—”

“If you understand what a terrible idea this is, then yes, we are.”

“It’s the fucking worst idea,” Felix got out of his mouth.

“Still not too late to walk away. I won’t bring it up again if you do,” Max assured.

“Fuck that,” Felix said and pulled off his shirt. Fucking Max was a great idea, actually. He was the last person on the colony who Felix would catch any feelings for. They already got along terribly, so what did they have to lose? Felix had to get his pent up urges satisfied somehow. Same for Max.

Once Felix had undressed and sat on the bed once again with his half-hard cock twitching in anticipation, Max—who had so far only bothered to remove his blue tunic—pushed Felix down slowly and lowered on all fours over Felix. He reached for the bag and pulled out one of the bottles Felix had picked up.

Oh.

“Oh, so that’s…”

“It’s one of its uses, yes,” Max said and poured a handful. The cool liquid tickled as it came to contact with Felix’s skin, making him inhale sharply. Judging by his face, Max liked the sound. Max circled his fingers around Felix’s ass, spreading the lube gently and making Felix proper hard in the process.

“Fuck, I’ve needed this,” Felix slipped out.

“Happy to provide,” Max replied. There was no ire in his voice for a change. Max seemed equally needy for just a raw, emotionless fuck, but at the same time, he was much—

“Gentler than I thought you’d be,” Felix said without thinking as Max ran the slick palm of his hand up Felix’s shaft and down his thighs. Crap, that sounded borderline emotional.

“I’ll see what I can do about that,” Max said and flashed a mischievous smile.

“That sounds sinister,” Felix said and whined in surprise as Max’s head disappeared and a tongue drew all the way from his asshole up his shaft. Then, a pair of lips tightened around the tip of his cock and Felix let out a moan.

Felix was pretty sure he was eventually going to bottom here. Max hadn’t bothered asking Felix his preferences before sticking his middle finger into him, but whatever, Felix was more than happy to be receiving. The only thing he missed more sorely than sex in general was having a cock inside him and being rammed into the mattress and filled up.

“Getting about ready, fuck, Max,” Felix breathed. A mistake. Max let go of his dick and raised his head.

“The point of fucking a crewmate is you have the entire night. If all you needed was for someone to stick their junk in your ass, you could’ve as well found yourself a hooker on Groundbreaker and be done with it.” Max wasn’t too annoyed, but Felix could tell he was disappointed.

“Hey, if you’re fine with it then—yeah, no hurry,” Felix said. He wanted to add he wasn’t really used to this, and definitely didn’t expect being treated so well by Max of all people. Not like Felix was about to file a complaint to the captain if Max was to act selfish in bed.

“Good,” Max rasped and caught his nutsack between his lips while pushing his fingers in and out his ass, drawing another moan from Felix, who was getting worried how long he would last if Max planned on dragging this out. The man was still fully clothed, for fuck’s sake.

“Who do you shave for?” Max suddenly asked. Felix was pretty sure it was only to further fluster him, so he tried to get back at him.

“You know, been waiting for you to finally grow big enough balls to admit wanting to fuck me. Took longer than I expected.”

“Mmhm.” Did he hum? Felix felt a rush for his apparently successful offensive. Who knew he knew how to shut up Max, after all?

Felix’s thoughts started circling around the eventual big event. Could this man get rid of his pants already?

“Can you at least pull out your dick already?” Felix nagged.

“Why don’t you do it,” Max said and got up. He put his thighs around Felix’s chest, placing the tight front of his pants right in front of Felix’s face. Felix flushed as Max looked him straight in the eye as he fumbled the fly open and slowly lowered the waistband of his deep blue underwear.

Felix was almost entirely sure his judgment was clouded because he’d been jerking off to the mental image of this man for so many times he didn’t care to count, but that was the most fuckable cock he’d seen in a short while.

“So?” Max said.

“Huh? Do you want an evaluation?”

“No, I want you to suck it.”

“Right.” Feeling dumb wasn’t new to Felix, but feeling dumb in bed was fresh territory for him.

He wrapped his hand around Max’s ass cheek and—oh, even through the fabric of his pants it was firmer than Felix had expected—gestured Max to move closer. He kissed the tip gently, then slowly pushed his lips down—

Max leaned over Felix’s face and rammed the plump cock down his throat. Felix tried his hardest not to gag, but failed.

“Sorry. Mind if I skip ahead?” He wasn’t sorry. He didn’t really ask. Felix really couldn’t answer either way with the thick dick pulsing in his throat. “Oh, I’m sorry.” He still wasn’t. Max pulled out his cock along with strings of saliva that dropped on Felix’s chest. “What was it?”

“Yeah, go ahead,” Felix managed out. “Please,” he added for good measure.

“Good,” Max said, caressed his cheek gently, then pushed back in and started throat fucking him so hard he had to focus on breathing not to suffocate while his own dick was wobbling sadly somewhere behind Max’s back, hard as ever.

Yeah, this was how he’d imagined fucking Max would be ever since the incident. The only thing that could make it better—

Felix managed to catch a glance of Max’s hands. It didn’t go unnoticed. As if he’d read his mind, Max gently slid his fingers through Felix’s dark hair—and grabbed—then pushed his free hand down on his windpipe.

Fuck, there was no safe word, no safe signal, nothing he could do with the seriously nimble forty-something somehow maneuvering this all, while he could barely breathe. Max would stop if he was starting to lose consciousness, right? Right? He wouldn’t kill a crewmate, right?

Felix absolutely hated how that thought made him somehow even more aroused. But yeah. He would stop. This man was offended when Felix had suggested skipping the foreplay. He wasn’t just dangerous and aggressive and unpredictable; he was a void-damn romantic.

Max’s breathing was getting heavier, and he suddenly pulled out, beads of sweat falling on Felix’s chest. Max’s fingers loosened around Felix’s neck and hair and pulled back as Max dragged his hands across Felix’s naked chest.

“Sure you don’t want to take those off?” Felix said between breaths and pointed at Max’s attire. “They’re only getting more fucked up at this pace.”

“Yes,” Max panted and unceremoniously stripped his shirt. Felix could tell Max had anticipated none of this to get as passionate as it had—He’d get carried away by his own taking-your-time philosophy.

Felix’s hand trembled. He didn’t know why, or maybe it was the vertigo from being strangled. He landed his palm on Max’s side, just below his ribcage. Yeah, he was fucking ripped. Guess the board didn’t let a priest go hungry even amidst a food shortage.

Max rolled off Felix’s chest on his back to get rid of the rest of his clothes. He was about to get back up, but Felix pushed him back down.

“Hey. You said no hurry,” Felix whispered. How nice it was to lie beside someone like this. Felix had never had a serious relationship. He didn’t know about Max, but he imagined he hadn’t even had the time for one in a long while. Maybe you didn’t need to love someone to enjoy a second of peace mid-fuck just lying next to them.

“It’s nice,” Max said, as if once again reading his thoughts.

“Yeah,” Felix said. Max’s fingertips caressed his stomach and he could feel the arousal creeping back in. “Really could use that dick in me though,” he whispered.

Max got up lazily and dropped his softened cock on Felix’s thigh. It made a wet sound and that made Felix’s cock immediately jump up. Max rubbed Felix’s still-slick hole with one hand and stroked his shaft with another. Felix could feel Max’s own dick harden with each throb against his leg.

“Fuck yeah,” Felix said and closed his eyes. He hadn’t been wrong about those hands being something fucking else.

“Turn around,” Max said and grabbed his hips to flip him over before Felix could react. The silky bedsheets clung into his damp skin. They smelled good. Like Max. Unlike his sheets.

Max pushed his hands up Felix’s body, feeling his muscles along the way. He let one hand go and grabbed his throat with another, with less pressure this time.

“Loosen up,” Max said and, again, without Felix really having time to react, pushed the tip of his cock inside Felix. The grip around his neck tightened and Felix felt a silent moan against his back as Max slowly pushed all the way in.

“Fuck, that’s a good fit,” Felix panted as Max started moving forth and back. Max said nothing. He didn’t have to; his fingers digging into Felix’s flesh told Felix all he needed to know. Felix felt silly for ever being ashamed of getting turned on by him. This was hands down the best sex he’d ever had, and it wasn’t the lack of experience. Max wasn’t considerate anywhere else but he was so considerate in bed Felix had to wonder what kind of history he did have.

Max was pounding him at full speed now, slapping noises and moans filling the room. But Felix didn’t have the time to think about the amount of soundproofing in crew quarters. Max had pulled out and was lifting Felix up. Felix wasn’t lightweight, but he was a lot shorter than Max, who also happened to be stronger-than-average for a church man, which made Felix feel like he was being thrown around in the best way possible. Max pulled him in his lap, face to face—there was something way more intimate about this than Felix was suddenly comfortable with. They briefly locked eyes before Max pushed his cock back in Felix’s ass and had him make sounds which, in case everyone on board wasn’t already, were sure to make them very aware of what was going on in Max’s room.

Felix bounced on Max’s lap while Max leaned his forehead against Felix’s chest and breathed hot, heavy breaths against his torso. Max’s pace was picking up and his hands were getting grabbier. His own cock was rubbing against Max’s lower abdomen—he was getting there, too. Max grunted and panted as Felix felt him reach the climax deep inside him, untense under him, then pull out and hurry to suck Felix with the kind of furor Felix hadn’t experienced from anyone, ever. That alone was enough to push him over the edge. He heard his blood pumping as his hands tugged at the bedsheets, making a total mess of the bed if it wasn’t bad enough already, and between breathy moans he ejaculated what must have been one hell of a mouthful which Max nevertheless swallowed without batting an eye. Max collapsed next to Felix, out of breath and heart racing probably equally fast as Felix’s.

“Yeah, um, we can do that again, right?” Felix started carefully after catching his breath again.

Max bit softly into his neck. Like a lover would, Felix thought and then quickly dismissed that thought.

“It’d be waste not to,” Max purred.

“But it’s like. Nothing more than that. Like, nothing less either. That was…” Felix wasn’t sure how to word “best sex of his life” without making it weird and personal.

“It could never be, Millstone,” Max said, and suddenly something in the way he said it made a cold wave wash over Felix. For whatever reason that was for.

“Right.”

They lay there for another minute before Felix slowly sat up and started gathering his clothes. He dressed and opened the door to check if the coast was clear. He saw others still in the common room, playing some kind of board game. Hoping they had been too focused to notice any noises coming from Max’s room, Felix sneaked across the hallway to his own cabin and closed the door. He cleaned himself up a bit and let the sweat dry up before leaving again and hitting the shower and toilet, then returned to his room again, ready to sleep. He noticed the bedsheets still folded on the chair next to his bunk. He’d forgot to ask SAM to change the sheets. Too tired to do anything about it, Felix fell into his bed and closed his eyes. The silky surface reminded him of lying in Max’s bed. He turned around to smell the sheets. They didn’t smell like anything.

But that would change, right?